By Vivian Hill
Chronic board game gambler
The new and amazing on-campus casino is set to be a smashing success. It includes Uno, Monopoly, Go Fish, and many more popular games. However, it feels as though something else is lurking behind the tables and fun snacks from the early 2000s. So the Collegian went undercover to see what this new casino was really like.
When you first walk in, you see all the bright tables and a place to purchase your chips. People were lined up for a chance to play one on one Jenga for a grand prize. The prize is the chance of lower tuition, so students were desperate to win. Intrigued by this, the Collegian decided to take a closer look, only to discover that there was going to be no real prize. Players were getting their hopes up for nothing. The next table, well that was more horrifying than the last.
The next table was a group game called Settlers of Catan. This table was becoming extreme and aggressive. Everyone in the room could tell that a fight was about to erupt at any moment. When the volcano did burst, it was a mess. Public Safety was called in to break up the fight and everyone involved was thrown out.
Diving further into the web of lies that was this casino, there was a man standing suspiciously in a corner. In hearing passing conversations, he knew a path that led right to the catacombs. This information could only mean one thing, that the Fight Club was still in action.
Although it was not as big as some of the other main events of the casino, this next game did draw in a crowd. The biggest event of the night was the 12-person Uno game. This was the match where no rules applied. There was double stacking, card counting, double skipping and so much more. It was total anarchy, and the crowd was going crazy for it. The player with the least losses managed to only lose about 100 dollars at the Go Fish and Candyland tables. Even though that was a rough night, it’s safe to say that the new Gael’s casino will be a whopping success.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY FROM THE COLLEGIAN STAFF!
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Ryan Ford '23,