Going alone to a bar is one thing, but it is a completely different ballgame to go alone as a woman. Some may call it social suicide. Others may call it risky. But, it doesn’t have to be either. It can be quite fun.
Brooke Haggarty Opinion Columnist About a couple of weeks ago, I decided to get a bit ballsy. I went to a bar alone. My bar of choice was one of the top places in Berkeley called Tupper and Reed located on Shattuck Avenue. If you haven’t gone there yet and are looking for a sophisticated outlet to get drinks at, this is the place to go! Older, mature college students, Ph.D. students, young professionals, and older adult casuals are the people present at this bar. In other words, there is a whole buffet of people to socialize with, whether you are looking for a new friend or significant other. So, why would I go alone, especially as a woman? Well, everyone, it was about time that I just said screw it. I got lucky; I admit that nothing happened to me. But that’s not why I am sharing this experience with you. As a woman, I knew that going to the bar that there was going to be a lot of assumptions made about me: “Is she with someone?” “Is she waiting for someone?” “Why is she alone?” “Is she a prostitute?” “She must be lonely.” “She must be depressed.” All these questions one way or another I am sure popped up in people’s minds as a lone woman goes to a bar. But, I did not care because there was no way in Hell that I was going to let being a woman alone stop me from enjoying myself. So when I entered Tupper and Reed, I was pleased when I saw that the place was populated yet mellow. The atmosphere bred an air of opportunity as I surveyed the types of groups present. They were all different, but it was clear as day to me that this was the place to go to meet up with friends after a long day of work or to just catch up. In other words, I found all kinds of people who were friendly yet mature. Overall, I was pleased with what I saw and decided to get a drink, so I went to the bartender and asked for a shot of Maker’s Mark. Sadly, they did not serve Maker’s Mark so I had to settle for Four Roses Yellow Label instead. Needless to say, I love whiskey, and I love to see the alarm on people’s faces when I order it. This is because I know that there is a stereotype about whiskey being a men’s drink. Well, hah, I am a whiskey girl by choice despite knowing all too well that a girl drinking whiskey can very much be a conversation starter, which actually came in handy later. Yet, before that I decided to explore the bar by going upstairs, much to my surprise, there was another bar. So I decided to test the waters up here by ordering a cocktail, and this time I sat down, and then almost immediately, a girl joined me on my left where, I kid you not, she was recording a Twitch Livestream. Me, being an avid gamer, I was all for it so we hit it off pretty quickly and ended up having a blast. She was a UC Berkeley student studying sociology (I think) and came to Tupper and Reed upon request of her followers. After getting to know her for quite some time, I decided to venture downstairs where I would then have an older casual person who happened to be a man spark up a conversation with me. This may just as well be the moment that some of you all have been waiting for. So, let’s just get to it. I was greeted by this guy who said that he liked my baby-blue peacoat and thought that I was from the east coast or England because no one from the west coast wears peacoats. I mean I see his point, but I wore it out of sophistication and the fact that it was freezing outside. Anyhow, our conversation started about being in the Bay Area, which I have come to learn that there are a lot of people in the Bay Area who are either visiting or not locals. I happen to be the latter. He ends being a native who went to college for American History. Huh, interesting, I thought. So, we talked and talked. The conversation was really going nowhere until he asked me about my favorite drink. I said whiskey, particularly bourbon. He then proceeded to ask if I had ever tried scotch, and I said no. So, he ordered us both a glass of Maccalan. Now let me tell you that was some serious strong liquor, wow. But, it was really, really good. Feel free to do some side research, but let’s just say that it was an expensive glass of scotch. Needless to say, I was amused by this man’s efforts to wine and dine me. This is where I get interested in him; I glance at his hands and don’t see a ring. But, I swear as soon as I saw no ring; he mentions his wife. Okay, I know what you’re thinking; it’s actually not that. This man happens to be in an open marriage with his wife. Congratulations. Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered by it. I am taking Jose Feito’s Human Sexualities class, and we heavily talked about non-monogamy. Despite not being fazed, I was not interested in the guy; he could probably be my dad if he had a child young. But, he treated me well and made me reconsider my expectations about how someone ought to treat me at a bar. So, this is my takeaway. One, it is okay to go alone to a bar. Two, it may be scary socially or seen as risky, but you only live once so don’t let fear control you. Three, it is okay to have high standards for a stranger at a bar; in fact, keep them. At the end of the day, safety is what matters most. Thus, my word of advice to you, my reader, is to let someone know where you are going so if anything happens that you are safe. Best of luck to you, and cheers.
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November 2024
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