One year on, what’s changed?
C/O Kiera O'Hara-Heinz, Collegian Staff
By Kiera O'Hara Heinz
Chief Conspiracy Theorist
We all know that the first rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club, but as we all discovered last year, this news was just too juicy to keep a secret.
This time last year, I uncovered a super top secret underground fight club at Saint Mary’s. After living in disguise for over a month, I had the proof to expose the extracurricular activities of the Lasallian Brothers at SMC, and finally clarified what exactly happens in the catacombs underneath the school: between prayers, and teaching and advising responsibilities, the brothers formed a wildly violent bare knuckle boxing ring.
Known for their black robes and white collars, community members were shocked to discover the clandestine martial arts community thriving underneath the surface of our small Catholic school.
While I have personally taken some time away from our deceptively quiet campus in Moraga to investigate the Leprechaun worshiping cults of Western Ireland, I have heard many credible reports that these fights are still happening.
My mole within the brothers has told me that one particularly agile brother has hit a recent winning streak, knocking out a record six brothers in a row with his unique mix of traditional boxing styles with the more exotic ones of Brazilian jiu jitsu. Though the name of this champion fighter was not shared with me, all evidence points to Brother Glen Bolton (don’t tell him we know!)
Last year students started a gambling circle to place bets on who would win, culminating in a tournament between the SMC Brothers and the SCU Jesuit Brothers. No such fight has occurred this year. But hopefully with much community prompting another event of this type can take place.
So reach out SMC! This tradition is too great to hide in the shadows!
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY FROM THE COLLEGIAN STAFF!
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Ryan Ford '23,