Why students are boycotting Saint Mary’s Men's Basketball!

​They are too tall!
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By Madison Sciba 
Professionally Short

​Saint Mary’s students have started boycotting the school’s most popular sporting events, men’s basketball games. This is out of growing fear for the players who tower over the average students at Saint Mary’s. Most of the players stand over 6 ’0, well above some of the rather vertically challenged students. This is a phenomenon that is stressing out students, with some even explaining that they are unable to concentrate in their classes just knowing that people who are over 6 '5 are just wandering around campus. 

“The thought of it just scares me,” one student said, “they are just so tall.”

Most students who complained to the Collegian wished to remain anonymous, afraid that they would be targeted by the school’s basketball fans. 

“They are everywhere,” another student explained, “you can’t say one bad word about the team without someone acting like you committed a war crime.”

Saint Mary’s students are scared and too worried to show their true feelings on campus.
That same student said, “If Gael Force even got a whiff of someone saying they hate men’s basketball, you are canceled at SMC.” 

In response to these overwhelming fears that are popping up around campus, a group of students have started a movement calling for a boycott of games. They are calling themselves the Allegiance Against the Vertically Gifted. Their mission is to educate on the dangers of admiring those who are tall, explaining the various reasons for their stance. 

1. They hit their heads on the door frames. 
2. Tall people struggle sitting at desks
3. They are unable to see anyone below 5’6
4. They are all limbs 
5. Remind students of baby giraffes

These among many others are the reasons why the Allegiance Against the Vertically Gifted are calling for a boycott of basketball games. To learn more about the Allegiance and their mission please visit: www.gigantasophobia.com 

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HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY FROM THE COLLEGIAN STAFF!